


First Kiss

by SivValkyrie



Category: X-Men - All Media Types, X-Men Evolution, X-Men: The Animated Series
Genre: Autism, Autistic Character, F/F, First Kiss, Flashbacks, Fluff, Harold They're Lesbians Meme, Romance, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:41:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22186534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SivValkyrie/pseuds/SivValkyrie
Summary: It wasn’t fair. All her friends got to kiss their partners. She sighed. “I’ll never know what it’s like. You should try it though. I mean… I want you to have everything you want. And if I can’t be that everything-““But you are,” the blonde girl cut in. There was so much she wanted to say next. All her thoughts were noise, a noise she wanted her girlfriend to hear. Without a second thought, she kissed Rogue. She knew what it would do.
Relationships: Rogue/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 13





	First Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first X-Men fic and I haven't seen much of any X-Men, just a few episodes of Evolution and like, one of the movies ten years ago. I'm baby, go easy on me. Also, this fic contains an autistic main character, and writing her comes from my own experience. She's high functioning, so her service dog isn't for her autism, it's for her anxiety. I couldn't find a way to clear that up in the work itself.
> 
> Enjoy.

Rogue stared up at Phoebe’s ceiling fan, lost in a trance. The fan spun round and round and she tried to keep her eyes focused on the one blade as it circled around. What else could she do? It’s not like she and Phoebe could do anything together. Rogue’s powers prevented her from touching her girlfriend, but in turn, that made her parents feel safe enough to let Rogue sleep over. You win some, you lose some. But she wanted to try something. Their oversharing classmates made it sound so good. If Rogue could fool around, she’d never take that for granted.

“Pheebs?” Rogue finally asked. She blushed, almost too afraid to continue. They’d been together three years and the subject had never come up. “I don’t want to assume anything but… Do you ever think about- y’know…? I mean, I know you don’t like to be touched sometimes. Is there any touching you’re okay with?”

Phoebe rolled over in bed to face her. “You can’t be touched; I don’t want to be touched. That’s why we work. But yeah. Sometimes I think about what it would feel like to kiss you,” she said. Her voice, as always, was devoid of emotion.

Rogue really tried to wrap her head around Phoebe sometimes. Sure, Phoebe had feelings. She could never express them, though. The only one that presented itself was _overwhelmed._ Phoebe stims when things overload her. Sometimes she screams. But the other feelings? They’re buried in there somewhere. Rogue would never trade her girlfriend for anyone else, even if she wished she could understand how she felt.

“I wish I could kiss you too. I’ve never kissed anyone.”

“I know,” Phoebe deadpanned. “But neither have I.”

It wasn’t fair. All her friends got to kiss their partners. She sighed. “I’ll never know what it’s like. You should try it though. I mean… I want you to have everything you want. And if I can’t be that everything-“

“But you are,” the blonde girl cut in. There was so much she wanted to say next. All her thoughts were noise, a noise she wanted her girlfriend to hear. Without a second thought, she kissed Rogue. She knew what it would do.

* * *

_“Weirdo.”_

_The class bully, Mackenzie Hawthorne stood over her with Phoebe’s box of crayons. The nice kind, with fifty colors and a pencil sharpener. Her mother got it just to make Phoebe happy. That isn’t what happened when she got to school and tried to use them, though._

_Mackenzie sneered. “Who cries when they touch crayons? What are you, stupid?”_

_“That’s a bad word!” Phoebe whined, wiping her teary eyes._

_“Stupid, stupid, Phoebe is stupid!”_

_Everyone around them was chuckling. The room was closing in on her, and everything was going dark. She shook her hands, trying to relieve whatever this feeling was inside of her. It wasn’t working._

_Mackenzie giggled. “She’s so scared of the crayons she’s wheezing!”_

_It was true. Phoebe was panting, her ragged breaths growing heavier and louder until finally-_

_A scream broke out, but it wasn’t Phoebe’s voice. Phoebe was looking up at her foe, dumbstruck. Below her on Mackenzie’s cute little jelly shoes was her own vomit._

_That was the moment Phoebe knew she wasn’t normal._

* * *

_Barking. Yapping. The air smelled of wet dog. Sensory overload was common for Phoebe when it was loud or smelly. Both was an absolute trainwreck. She rocked back and forth in her chair as her father rubbed her back, and her mother held her hand._

_She’d much rather spend her thirteenth birthday at home with her parents- her only friends- but today was the day a batch of service dogs were being adopted and hers was all grown up and ready to go home._

_“Miss Phoebe?”_

_Phoebe raised her hand in response._

_The lady who called her looked over, and with a big smile, she walked to the group. “This is Ellie, your new best friend.” She handed the leash to Phoebe._

_She tilted her head and Ellie tilted with her. “Aww.”_

_“Isn’t she cute? She’s going to help you when you panic, and help you feel safe in new situations. Do you want to pretend to panic to see what she does?”_

_Phoebe nodded. Without so much as a word she feigned crying, and began to curl up in her seat. Ellie immediately sat her head in the girl’s lap and wagged her tail._

_“Her purpose is to distract you so you don’t hurt yourself or cause a scene. That will also give you time to calm down and get some help.”_

_Phoebe stopped, and looked down at her new dog. She petted her soft, shaggy fur and Ellie whined happily. Big, diamond eyes looked back up at her, and it struck her suddenly that this is what love at first sight is._

* * *

_“You can’t seriously let her try out for the squad.”_

_Mackenzie Hawthorne really grew up to be such a charming young lady, didn’t she?_

_Phoebe would never ever try out for cheerleading. Before she discovered her mutation, she would have no idea how to cheerlead, nor would she want to. With this new power, she could replicate everything she saw, and that included cheers._

_But was she doing this to spite her enemies, or did she just want to feel included in something, anything?_

_“Ellie can be our mascot,” She said, gesturing to her service dog._

_“I think this is cute,” Lacey, the second in command said. “What could you possibly have against a disabled girl? Isn’t our motto to include people?”_

_“I have a lot against her. She ruined my shoes when we were seven.” Mackenzie scoffed. “Fine, let her try out. She’ll make a fool of herself anyways.”_

_Phoebe never smiled, but now she was wearing the fakest of smiles as she replicated Mackenzie’s cheer from the homecoming game. She did it perfectly too. And then at the end, she held up a hula hoop and Ellie jumped through it._

_“Ta da,” She said in her usual, flat tone._

_Mackenzie wasn’t having it. “Oh hell no.”_

_“That’s a bad word,” Phoebe said, invoking that old memory just to make Mackenzie squirm._

_Lacey was smiling, though. “You’re actually kind of good. But… What message would it send to people if we had you on the team?”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“On one hand,” she started, “Parents and crowds coming with the visiting teams would love us if we had someone like you cheering. It would really boost our image. But you’re… Very not normal. We’d be the laughing stock of the school if we recruited you.”_

_“Wait.” Phoebe said, a scowl on her face. “You mean you’d just be using me to make you look better? Forget it. I’m out.” She threw her pompoms down and walked out, Ellie on her heels._

_She found her way out to the lunch room. After school hours, it was empty. Good. She didn’t want anyone to see her cry. She buried her face in her hands- but before she could start rocking, Ellie put her head in her lap. This did little to change things._

_“Stop it. This is serious. They basically called me an ‘it.’ I’m not a person, I’m a prop. I’m nothing, Ellie.” Tears streamed down her face and as she cried, a dark thought popped into her head. “What if I just wasn’t here? Mom and dad would have it easy. You’d get to be a regular dog.” She was going to name off more people she’d affect, but it hit her that there was no one else._

_A voice, sweet like honey with a southern twang, pierced through her thoughts. “That can’t be true.” Cue Rogue, walking through the doors of the lunchroom._

_Phoebe’s eyes widened. Rogue never told anyone her real name. She always dressed in black. She’d threaten to kill people with her bare hands sometimes. She’d always been scared of Rogue. She froze, unable to say a word._

_“I wanted to talk to you about what happened in there. You’ve always been super clumsy but suddenly you’re able to do a complicated cheer routine. Wanna tell me what’s going on?”_

_“Nothing,” Phoebe lied._

_“Uh huh. I get that you don’t like confrontation so I’ll make this quick, do you have adoptive muscle memory?”_

_“What’s that?”_

_Rogue squinted. “I know you’re smart enough to know what that is.”_

_“Fine. I can copy anything I see. Don’t tell anyone, people will think I’m even more of a freak.”_

_Rogue smiled, and that was the first time Phoebe had ever seen that happen. “I’m a freak too. If I touch people, I can see their memories and use their powers.”_

_“Their powers? There’s more people like this?”_

_“Yeah. There are a lot of mutants here in the school, we’re just hiding it. We’re all afraid of being judged. That’s why we understand you. I understand you.” She paused, tilted her head in thought, then asked, “That doesn’t explain why you wanted to try out for cheerleading in the first place.”_

_“I did it to mess with them,” She deadpanned._

_Rogue burst into laughter. “I like you already!”_

* * *

_Thunder rolled outside Phoebe’s window. There were times when the thunder was just a low rumble, and that wasn’t an issue. What was, however, was the louder thunder. She knew the sound was just a buildup of energy, but why did it have to be so extreme? Phoebe couldn’t help rocking back and forth to alleviate some of the stress._

_“Hey, hey,” Came Rogue’s soft voice from next to her on the couch. “Shh… What do we do when we’re overwhelmed?”_

_When tears spilled down from her cheeks like rain, Phoebe found herself stuttering. “I can’t, I can’t, I don’t know, I just- agh!”_

_Rogue knew not to touch her in moments like these, even though she’d have to be careful not to touch her skin. All Phoebe needed was a moment to collect herself._

_“We think of things that make us feel safe,” Rogue said calmly. She gestured to a pile of blankets on the floor, opting to let Phoebe get one herself rather than smothering her._

_Phoebe shook her head at the idea of a blanket. Instead she focused on things that made her feel safe, just like Rogue told her. She took a deep breath, and sputtered out, “El- Ellie.”_

_Her service dog perked up at the mention of her name, but laid back down when all Phoebe could do was sigh at her. Thunder rolled again and Ellie was at attention, ready to come over and calm her owner down. These days though, Ellie had it easy. Rogue was doing a lot of the soothing._

_“What else?” Rogue asked._

_Phoebe thought for a moment. “Mom and dad, Professor X…” And then she was calming down. “The cashier at the store who doesn’t think I’m stupid… And you.”_

_“Me? Oh, I’m touched.” She gritted her teeth and looked down at the floor. Rogue had hurt people. Phoebe knew that, and Phoebe had no right to feel safe around her. She didn’t even feel safe around herself._

_Phoebe swallowed a lump in her throat. “It’s true, Anna. I know you don’t believe it. But you treat me like a real person. You don’t think I’m broken. You know you’re the first person who ever said I could do anything?”_

_Rogue looked a little stunned. Her best friend didn’t usually show this much emotion. She avoided being “dramatic,” as Phoebe called it. “I-“_

_“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I like you a lot because you calm me down like this. You’re the only person who can.”_

* * *

The kiss hurt. It felt like something was being yanked from Phoebe’s body, and like she was being shocked all at once. She pulled away as soon as their lips had barely touched, panting heavily.

Rogue was trembling, eyes rolled back into her head. That only lasted a second too, but Rogue had lived an entire life in that moment. When she finally came back to life, tears began to stream down her face. “I had no idea you cared so much,” she said softly. She’d never had the urge to hold anyone until that moment, and it physically ached to think that she couldn’t.

“Of course I do. I’m sorry I’m so bad at saying it,” Phoebe sniffled. “I love you so much, Anna Marie.”

That was the first time she’d ever said that. Rogue blushed, taken aback by the proclamation. But seeing what Phoebe went through, all the pain and suffering- and then to see herself as a savior, she didn’t doubt it at all.

So with confidence, she whispered, “I love you too.”


End file.
